An Awkward Moment

1 The man I hated. 

Thirteen years ago my wife left me for another. 

I despised him. I had nothing good and plenty bad to say about him. My friends, acquaintances, and group therapy members were sometimes sympathetic, sometimes taken aback by my venomous declarations. 

2 Taffy Was A Welshman

I went to Taffy's home

Taffy was in bed

I took a 38

And I shot him in the head

I talked to a friend. He is the one person I know who has shot at someone. He fired not in self defense, but in premeditated attempted murder. He advised me, "That's not going to get her back."

3 The maggot

Members of my therapy group jumped back as if struck across their faces, "I don't want to see her swelled up with that motherfucker's maggot!"

I went to pick up my children at their grandparents. The maggot crawled to me to be lifted. The grandparents watched anxiously to see what I would do.

A few years later he asked if I would like a copy of his grade school portrait. I carry it to this day.

4 My daughter

I told my then six year old daughter that her step father was a drunken bum.

She defended him, "He helps around the house." I said no more. 

I related this to my therapy group, "Well, maybe he's good to her. Maybe he bakes cookies with her." I left there even angry. 

I decided that so long as he did not harm her, what they did together was none of my business. Instead I started cooking with her, asking her help with simple projects, findings ways to be involved rather than finding ways that she would be entertained and not underfoot. 

Years later a friend of mine asked her an odd question about me, "Do you actually like this guy?" She answered immediately, "He's the best man I know. If I didn't know him I wouldn't have a favorite man."

5 The pastor

When I was employed at the dental lab there was a period when I worked alone in a separate room. I liked it alright but had no one to talk to. I like to talk. 

That all changed when a new ceramist was hired. He was a pastor at a church in northeast Washington. His church was too small to pay him a sufficient salary so he took a job at the dental lab. 

I had someone to talk to, and a pastor at that! I told him all about my misery. 

After he'd been there a few weeks I had a birthday. The lab bought me a cake and everybody signed my birthday card. Everybody but the pastor that is. He gave me another card. 

In it he wrote, "Philippians 2:14."

I have a bible. I looked it up. 

Philippians 2:14-15. Do everything without complaining or arguing...

What? Why that son of a bitch! I was offended. 

Then I did something that I can not explain. I decided to try it for two weeks, two weeks without complaining. 

It changed my life. My misery disappeared. My anger evaporated. 

It was replaced with serenity and gratitude.

6 Back to the man I hated. 

Last night he got in my taxi.  I asked him where I could take him. 

"Post Falls."

I started driving. 

He asked me, "Are you Phil?"

"Yes."

"Oh shit."

"Are you Pete?"

"Yes."

"HA! Well this could be an awkward moment."

"It is an awkward moment."

We talked about our children. He told me he had been paying child support and was fighting see his children.

He apologised for what happened. 

I told him I appreciated that. 

He asked me about my children.

He asked me about his children.  I told him that he has two awesome sons. I told him that I love them.

He payed me for the ride and left. 

Charon

vacuum cleaner hose
on the exhaust pipe
tank full of petrol
vents shut tight

free at last, my love
death is my new bride
charon in the driver's seat
take me to her side

March 6

March 6.
This is the day, 45 years ago, that I Left for Fort Polk, Louisiana, and became a soldier in the US Army. After two months of Basic Training, I joined the 60th Army Band as a trombone player (02E 20.)
It is also the day, 12 years ago, that my wife left me in search of happiness. I truly hope she has found it.
March 6 is a day that does not slip by unnoticed.

STONEHENGE

I can't believe Marshall Amplification actually printed my stoopid letter!

My Mother's Memorial Service

My Mother’s Memorial Service

This is what I said at my mother's memorial service
February 16, 2008


To the friends of my family
To the friends of our mother
Thank you for coming today
It is gracious of you
And appreciated by myself
And certainly by my family

To my family I want to say
That I am so proud of every one of you
And pleased to call you my own
And I know that my mother
Your mother
Your grandmother
Your great grandmother
was even more pleased
and more proud of you
And rightfully so

I say this not to boast
Nor simply to praise you
But to point out that her effort
And her sacrifice
And her support
Yielded the sweetest result
This lovely family

Because she did a good job
Because they did a good job
And of that
You are the living proof
And I love you all

Safari

I went on Safari yesterday. Big game hunting in Africa! Mostly Wildebeest, but really any animal foolish enough to wander by. I came equipped with a green plastic rifle that hardly seemed adequate for the task and a guide that kept yelling, "RELOAD! RELOAD!"
I was invited on this hunt by a friend that somehow managed to to kill, with the same green plastic rifle, I might add, 36 bulls to my 6 and... an assortment of zebras, elephants, hyenas, flamingos, lemurs and a variety of big cats, coconuts and shrunken heads.
In my defense, I probably would have done much better if the dumb stupid wildebeests hadn't been running around in circles and hiding behind trees and cows!
I suggested that perhaps next time she just give me 50¢ and I'd just bend over to let her kick my ass and spare me the humiliation, spare me the agony of defeat.
Anyhow, the result of this horrifying debacle was that I dreamed that there was an elephant in my back yard.
It wasn't a large elephant, by elephant standards, but every time I left the house it would get bigger and bigger and madder and madder, stomping its big elephant feet and trumpeting its big elephant nose. It soon became
quite frightening so my mother, who oddly enough was much younger than I, so we jumped into the struggle buggy and made our escape.

Corazon Espinado

I wish this sounded better, but it is what I have. The guy mixing the sound seemed either incompetent or indifferent, perhaps both. This was recorded on my Sony HD8. The sound off the mixing board was even more unbalanced than this. Any other sub quality in the video, ei: off key singing or rushing, are my own.