An Awkward Moment

1 The man I hated. 

Thirteen years ago my wife left me for another. 

I despised him. I had nothing good and plenty bad to say about him. My friends, acquaintances, and group therapy members were sometimes sympathetic, sometimes taken aback by my venomous declarations. 

2 Taffy Was A Welshman

I went to Taffy's home

Taffy was in bed

I took a 38

And I shot him in the head

I talked to a friend. He is the one person I know who has shot at someone. He fired not in self defense, but in premeditated attempted murder. He advised me, "That's not going to get her back."

3 The maggot

Members of my therapy group jumped back as if struck across their faces, "I don't want to see her swelled up with that motherfucker's maggot!"

I went to pick up my children at their grandparents. The maggot crawled to me to be lifted. The grandparents watched anxiously to see what I would do.

A few years later he asked if I would like a copy of his grade school portrait. I carry it to this day.

4 My daughter

I told my then six year old daughter that her step father was a drunken bum.

She defended him, "He helps around the house." I said no more. 

I related this to my therapy group, "Well, maybe he's good to her. Maybe he bakes cookies with her." I left there even angry. 

I decided that so long as he did not harm her, what they did together was none of my business. Instead I started cooking with her, asking her help with simple projects, findings ways to be involved rather than finding ways that she would be entertained and not underfoot. 

Years later a friend of mine asked her an odd question about me, "Do you actually like this guy?" She answered immediately, "He's the best man I know. If I didn't know him I wouldn't have a favorite man."

5 The pastor

When I was employed at the dental lab there was a period when I worked alone in a separate room. I liked it alright but had no one to talk to. I like to talk. 

That all changed when a new ceramist was hired. He was a pastor at a church in northeast Washington. His church was too small to pay him a sufficient salary so he took a job at the dental lab. 

I had someone to talk to, and a pastor at that! I told him all about my misery. 

After he'd been there a few weeks I had a birthday. The lab bought me a cake and everybody signed my birthday card. Everybody but the pastor that is. He gave me another card. 

In it he wrote, "Philippians 2:14."

I have a bible. I looked it up. 

Philippians 2:14-15. Do everything without complaining or arguing...

What? Why that son of a bitch! I was offended. 

Then I did something that I can not explain. I decided to try it for two weeks, two weeks without complaining. 

It changed my life. My misery disappeared. My anger evaporated. 

It was replaced with serenity and gratitude.

6 Back to the man I hated. 

Last night he got in my taxi.  I asked him where I could take him. 

"Post Falls."

I started driving. 

He asked me, "Are you Phil?"

"Yes."

"Oh shit."

"Are you Pete?"

"Yes."

"HA! Well this could be an awkward moment."

"It is an awkward moment."

We talked about our children. He told me he had been paying child support and was fighting see his children.

He apologised for what happened. 

I told him I appreciated that. 

He asked me about my children.

He asked me about his children.  I told him that he has two awesome sons. I told him that I love them.

He payed me for the ride and left.